When the child is over-sensitive
Children are cute. Children are sensitive, which is good. But what if the child is over sensitive, & takes every small thing to heart, or even affects the psyche or mind!
We know the world outside is not that fair, or generous. And one can not afford to be over sensitive in a world where there is constant bickering, pulling others down & tussling. One needs to be sharp, practical and bold enough to face all those events and circumstances. Being over sensitive, and sheathing oneself in some cocoon is certainly not the way.
The behaviors or patterns get fixed in the childhood stage, which goes a long way along. So, if this characteristic trait is addressed and corrected in the childhood stage itself, it will help the child not grow over-sensitive for his/her youth or adulthood phase. Atleast, it can limit or downsize those vulnerable or volatile emotional streams in one, if we try to discern their patterns and rightly counsel them from a young age itself…
Some key points and tips below :-
- First of all, Let’s introspect – Let’s check first if we are not making our children over sensitive or vulnerable. They watch our behaviors. If we show over-sensitiveness, they tend to adopt over-sensitiveness. Or, in some cases, we make them pretty conscious of such vulnerabilities, making them a bit weak. This can be overreacting to some friendly banter, or being over-protecting for the child. It sets an expectation. It sets an over-sensitive standard. Which ultimately the child absorbs and reflects
- Reinforce to the child that “Be sensitive, but not be over-sensitive” – This reinforcement will help to draw a line and differentiate. It’s all about right anchoring. Play an anchoring game. Say a scenario and ask the child if it’s being sensitive or over-sensitive. The child should build a habit of differentiating between the two, and adopt the right behavior. For example – being compassionate to some pain or misery of some family member is being sensitive. But crying, and holding oneself up because some friend teased us or gave critical feedback, is being over-sensitive
- Throw the light. Tell them the rationality why over-sensitivity is bad – Make them enlightened. Tell the child at an early age itself the cons associated with being over-sensitive, of course in the language they understand. Demonstrate how small overthinking and over-sensitiveness can make them weak, socially impaired, may be secluded or even negative. Also, tell the opposite side of the coin. The pros of being rationally sensitive and bold. Give them real life examples. Give them the true gist of the world, its challenges, its unfairness. Make the child psychologically and mentally strong.
- Motivate the child to navigate difficult situations themselves – Someone has bullied the child, or someone has teased the child, or someone has bad mouthed the child. It can be any circumstance which the child perceives difficult. Do not over-protect the child in such situations. By doing so, we make them dependent and further weak. We are parents, and we have love for our children. Totally respect that. But we can’t be there every time for the child. And what’s better than preparing the child so strong that one can face such situations oneself only! So, motivate them to take action on what they want to take. Listen to them, what they intend to do. Then guide them to be self reliant and strong. For example, ask the child to confront the bully and confidently tell him that he does not get bothered by his remarks, or fears from him. Ask the child to learn ignoring, and living your own life lively. Our laughs and non-bothering attitude will tell the bully that one is the wrong target. More we bother, or the more we get irritated, the more the bully will try to play with us. Make children super confident. Yes, we have to leave our over protectiveness here, for their own good only!
- Expose them to strong demeanored content. Be it films, comics, books, articles etc – We set the normal. By exposing them to such bold content, and not exposing them to content which makes them further weak or sensitive, sets the right normal and psychologically entrenches the point that there is no place of being over sensitive in the world and it harms us only. So, rational sensitiveness is what one should practice. Motivate them to be strong.
- Teaching the child the “art of ignoring” – Yes, this art is very beneficial. One should learn to ignore what is worth ignoring. If we don’t, we always make ourselves vulnerable and available to get affected. We can’t get affected by all the things. We have a lot of other important and worthy things to focus upon. We can’t waste our time on worthless things. Teach the child to ignore others’ opinions about them unless those are fruitful feedbacks. Teach the child to ignore others’ judgments. Teach the child to ignore ridicule. Teach the child to ignore a bully. Ignoring here not at all means getting suppressed. It means sieving out the noise and concentrating on one’s own self and growth. Direct the children to this thought from an early age.
- Motivate sense of humor, sense of healthy banter, sense of healthy cheerfulness, even sense of healthy naughtiness in children – Life will become too dull and isolated if we crib about every little thing. Sometimes it’s fine to banter, if the other person is a good friend. Ask the child to develop a sense of humor and cheerfulness. Ask not to take light banters seriously especially from our loved ones or close friends. Ask them to identify the intention of the other person doing the banter. Whether done in a healthy way, or in a demeaning way. Be accommodating to such banters and reciprocate banter with healthy banter as well. Healthy naughtiness is also good. Nourish that.
To make our children less prone to over-sensitiveness, we ourselves have to change our habits or approach. We can’t be over-protective and ask them not to be over-sensitive. Reward the right behavior. At the same time, demotivate the wrong behaviors. We parents need to remember that sometimes we might even have to counsel our children extensively and regularly. And as parents, we have to. Spending time with them, giving them space and listening being all ears to them, is a big investment of our time into them, which will impact their futures a lot for the better!
Let’s do that…
