How to develop patience levels with children!

Kids are dear to any parent, and we parents leave no stone unturned for their growth, development and nurturing. We take all sorts of initiatives, provide them with the best of facilities, spend good amounts on their fee and well being, and make every effort to keep them happy, healthy and smiling.

But sometimes, children are difficult to manage, as it exhausts our patience levels, and it becomes irritating when the right behaviors we expect aren’t reflected by them. Hence, we end up being an unfriendly parent (at least as perceived by the child). Over and above, the work schedules and fast paced life also demand a lot of our time, so we become impatient quickly, especially while dealing with children.

But the truth is, the child has his own evolution journey, and parenting does require a lot of time, effort and patience. A child can’t anticipate our lifestyles, and will walk his path at his own pace. So, we have to make peace with this fact, and develop the necessary patience in ourselves, so that we maintain a balance in our personal & professional lives, and maintain a good friendly repo with children where they feel engaged with us.

But first, let us shout out for all the wonderful parents out there, who are somehow managing this thin walkway, keeping their professional lives intact, and at the same time raising children in their best possible capacities. Truly, it’s a great deal to do!

“So, how to develop the necessary patience levels with children? He/she does not listen to me. We have appealed so many times to him/her, but no resort. How can I make him/her hear what I am saying” – These are the most common statements when we listen to mothers and fathers around us.

So let’s see some tips and tricks for the same :-

1. Let’s understand the child has his/her own pace – We get impatient because we want to see results quickly, on the snap of fingers. We forget that child is in his own evolution, and his mind might not be prepared to understand since its running in a different dimension. It’s we who need to understand the child well, anticipate his pace of evolution and develop necessary patience in ourselves. And this pace of evolution is different from child to child. Also, this pace can be quick in some topic, but different in other topic or walk of life, so we have to navigate patiently

2. Let’s be friends with the children – Being friends makes them feel comfortable, to share, exchange and talk. When the children feel we are their friends and not parents per se, they have better tendencies to listen to us, understand and modify their behaviors. Children have great affiliation with friends, and when they feel light hearted and warm, they are easy to manage. If we try to enforce things, they will start considering us an unwanted and ignore us, wandering in their own flow, and we getting irritated time and again

3. Show them your childly aspect. Don’t be a parent all the time – Narrow down that gap between the child and the parent. Sometimes, we become too much of parents, hence it increases the gap between us and children. Come down to their page, show them your childly phase, be a child with them, enjoy with them, do nuisance with them, laugh on their naughtiness, gossip on stuff, be as equal a child as they are. Sometimes it’s good to be one what they wish us to be. We always have other ways of disciplining them, and can tighten the noose at other times to maintain the power equation

4. Do something for them, and as friends, ask some favor from them – In the favor, you can ask what you expect in the form of right behavior from them. Do stuff for them and make them realize you are going that extra mile. It’s not to show off, but sometimes just to negotiate on a cheerful note. Sometimes children don’t do stuff deliberately. But in such a light atmosphere, there is no such ego or adamance in general and the child ends up doing what you expect

5. Ask them gently, why they aren’t making the change, what they feel or think or bothers them – Make them participate in the journey. Instead of just telling them what to do, etc, ask them what they feel about the change and what they think about it. If its a good idea for them, or they are concerned about something else due to which they are not much motivated for it. Understand them, what they want. Give them time, space and avenue to be fully themselves. Calm down their anxiety. Don’t be harsh. For a permanent change, it should come from within. And it can never be imposed. Make them the part of the journey.

6. It’s give and take – We like it or not, it’s give and take as well. We parents feel a sense of entitlement in being parents and expecting children to be submissive. That won’t work. Give and take policy is the best. Give them what they want. Get what you want. Give them that avenue for them to be themselves. Don’t compare or tie them up in virtual chains. Give them life, and get what desired positivity you expect from them. The whole point is, if they feel burdened or are forced to go against their natural inclinations, they will become repulsive. Have that cushion.

7. Ask them to suggest what they want us to change in ourselves – This tactic is pretty helpful, as for us it gives feedback and allows us to make necessary improvements in ourselves which would be better for parent-child relationship, and since the child now suggests changes in us which we eventually will acknowledge, the child would feel inclusive and take our feedback for them constructively and give a sincere thought in making necessary change in himself/herself. Start by asking them, and then suggest them too during your turn! It also makes children more aware and conscious of right behaviors.

Overall, this takes time, and patience is must to develop. Set the expectations low and just enjoy parenting. It has its own fun and challenges, so let’s bear them with open heart and mind. Let’s give the child necessary space and our time. This way, we not only develop patience in ourselves, but impart similar qualities in children as well…