Let’s teach kids to Negotiate well!
We negotiate in our daily lives. And it is not restricted to only money or bargaining. It is there in every walk of life, in our social dealings, our relationships, our professional set up, with the world, with our servants & workers, in short its everywhere if we observe closely.
Many are able to do well, and many are not. Just because there are key fundamentals of negotiations which no one exposed us to in our own childhood. Let’s acknowledge those key fundamentals, and make our children exposed to those from an early age!
Let’s tell children what negotiation is – Let’s simplify the definition for the children. Negotiation of any kind is essentially a discussion aimed at reaching an agreement, resolving issues so that both parties agree to the solution. Simplifying things makes them understand key tenets and make their life easy. We often jumble up negotiations with bargaining or getting best deal etc, but that does not work well, because first of all, this definition is not holistic, and second of all, it makes wrong patterns inculcated in the child’s mind
Promote critical thinking & decision making – negotiations involve a lot of critical thinking, where one weighs pros and cons associated with different scenarios or options. Try to ask children different outcomes of alternatives and enlighten their critical thinking through games and activities. Also, make the child comfortable to make decisions. Child should learn to make decisions one his/her own, without validation from us. Of-course whenever clarity is required, elders and parents are there to support and provide necessary wisdom, but decision making rationale should be of the child. We should not demotivate children from making decisions, even if few of them go wrong. That’s how one learns eventually
Benchmark qualities of a good negotiator, and villainize bad ones – Anchor the child to become a good negotiator who should have required qualities. Expose him to qualities like being an active listener, not operating from winning tendency or ego, applying critical thinking & decision making, not making decisions impulsively, solving problems, coming to agreements amicably without resenting any party, being respectful, applying empathy etc, and ask him to apply those in day to day life. Do incentivize whenever needed to motivate the right behavior. Also, try to share the cause-effect of all these qualities. Bad qualities (opposite to the ones mentioned above) should be demonized
Motivate children to communicate their terms well and initiate negotiation! – Children hold themselves up. Make a conducive environment that the child is allowed to think his terms and interests, and put forward well. Also, push the child to initiate negotiation whenever needed, wherever needed, not fearing what other person would think, but with a thought process of trying. Communication and initiation is very vital for being a good negotiator.
Ask children to be assertive in negotiations, but without aggression or crying tactics! – Being assertive is important. Without being assertive, it may come up as not having good clarity. But it should never be aggressive or manipulative. Being aggressive or manipulative means a child is not open for reasoning, but wishing to forcefully impose the terms. Aggression, disrespect, emotional blackmailing and ego should be demotivated. Whenever a child resorts to these bad things, close the negotiation with the child and say upfront!
Showcase principle of negotiations when we do that with others in front of children – Involve children in this spectrum, by sharing with them the principles you applied in your negotiations, be it with vegetable vendors, or with friends or relatives, or even with servants. And share with them how it helped. It will trigger the thought process of the child towards these principals, and eventually will start applying in his/her own negotiations. Model negotiations well in front of kids
Make children realize the value & worth of things – Children tend to ask for demands, sometimes unjustified, sometimes unworthy of their value. But children should be taught to learn the value and worth of things pretty early. One way can be, going in the market street, and asking the child if the price justifies the use of the product. Child will try to see and have his/her judgment. Also, playing an activity where child has to ‘earn’ some number of coins to get a particular thing, will make them realize how difficult it is to earn money, but how easy it is to spend them
Promote win-win tendency and approach in negotiations – Thinking win-win is the best way to arrive at negotiations amicably. Disputes arise when we think about oneself only. If we are wishing to keep our interests, other people are also trying to keep their interests. Predatory mindset & accumulating mindset is detrimental. Talk about win-win with children
Ask children to have clarity of one’s own interests, as well as that of others! – When we have this clarity, we are able to put forward the best alternatives and drive our position well. Ask kids to apply empathy, and may start by listing down others interests, and then arrive at the best position of his/her or the alternatives one can have if a particular position or offer is not agreed by the other person. This can be done through games and committed hand holding
Do discuss negotiations framework – There is always a framework to follow, as the cause effects are related. For negotiations it is, having clarity of interest, then sorting out our best position or the best one can compromise, then thinking alternatives along with critical thinking, and then deciding (prioritizing) on a few and making an offer. When things are clear for the child to follow, it becomes easy for them to apply!
Negotiation skills are very important, because due to lack of this, many spoil things and get into conflicts. Right mindset and approach should be inculcated from childhood itself!
